Quest for Normal...

I want to be normal. I crave it. I have spent my whole life chasing it like a cat chasing a laser pointer. I seem to be able to fit in for a short time but eventually it all falls apart. I have tried everything, organizational websites, medications, you name I have tried it. My relationships have definately suffered for it. I am the girl that disappears for a couple days for no reason other than I got sidetracked. 

I'm not a bad person, just different and throughout my life I have been fortunate to have people who accept and love me as is, even when the darkness is so thick I can't see anyone. It has taken many years for me to realize there is no normal. 

I cant be the mom baking cookies and canning, but I have tried. I'm the mom that turns off at the horses on the way to school because my teenager needs to connect and feel safe. I'm the mom that homeschools my six year old because she doesn't feel accepted at school. I'm the mom that teaches my daughter how to shin scrape because of my overwhelming fear someone will try to hurt her.I'm the mom that gives my little girls a truck when they are too young to drive because it is fun to let them drive around the field.  I'm the mom that cries because I fed my kids hotdogs instead of "real food". I'm the mom who never hangs around with other moms or lets people in the house because of my feelings of inadequacy and my fear that people will find out we aren't "normal".