Blood and Roses

So you all know I live in northern Saskatchewan in the forest. This morning on the way to drive the kids to school I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I froze when I realized it was Sasquatch. He was holding candy and flowers and was very disappointed when I explained that although my appearance was deceiving I was not a female Bigfoot . I think I may have seen a tear in his eye as he slowly turned and melted back into the trees. 

This experience in mind, I decided some personal time was in order. I collected the trappings of "beauty" and headed to the bathroom. 

I posted a ton of stuff on social media as I waited for the tub to fill then climbed into the tub. Just as I started shaving my....knees..... my phone starts to have a seizure of epic proportions, falls on the floor and scares me half to death. I jump a good three feet and cut a chunk out of my ...knees... A chunk I was quite attached to... So I'm sorry guy I won't be taking you to the bath with me anymore especially when I shave my ...knees.. In fact I'll probably switch to airplane mode :s